On being yourself

The importance of "being yourself" to sanity and happiness has come up in various ways in the books I've been reading lately.  The "feeling right" bit in Gretchen Rubin's First Splendid Truth in her book, The Happiness Project, wasn't something I focused on very much while I was reading it, but I've been thinking about it more since I read two other books:

I recently finished Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, which I picked up, partly because it was endorsed on the cover by Gretchen Rubin, whose writing I love.  It took reading this book for me to realise (at age 33) that actually, I am a bit of an introvert, and - because Cain presents a wide range of reasons why this can be a positive, despite popular opinion - that's OK. It explained a lot.  It was also fascinating to read about the studies on the behaviours of babies and how they were effective predictors of whether they grew up to be an introvert or an extrovert.  I think we've got a 3 year old extrovert and a 1 year old introvert in the making in our family and now I feel like I understand them even better.  The book also explained why arguments between my (extrovert) husband and I are so ineffective, because we argue in different ways that don't really work together.  It gave me a real insight into myself and how I interact with other people, both at home and at work.

How to Stay Sane is a book in the School of Life series, written by psychotherapist, Philippa Perry.  She makes the case for taking the time to look after our mental health, just like we do our physical health.  In her view, to stay sane - which means to avoid the extremes of living in either an overly rigid way or in chaos - we need to practice self observation, cultivate good relationships, expose ourselves to positive stress (like learning and exercise) and think about our personal narratives.  Perry has this advice about relationships, which highlights (for me, anyway) the importance of being with people we feel comfortable with so we can be ourselves:

"...in order to meaningfully connect with another person, one has to be open. This means not being who we think we should be, but allowing ourselves to be who we really are.  This usually involves risking feeling vulnerable."

Reading these books has been an exercise in self observation of sorts as it's impossible to read them in a detached way - they automatically make me think of my own behaviour and thought processes and help me understand them better.  Some things I've tried to change and others I have simply learnt to accept.  I feel like I'm being myself.